Adjusting

Our Utah transition has been HARD. I’ve had to remind myself that it was my idea to rank Utah #1 on our list. Not that it’s not gorgeous here, because it is. It’s been all about attitude and missing Florida. I love these honest posts because they make me sound like such an ungrateful brat. I’m not, I promise! I see all of my blessings, it just takes me a while to step back and acknowledge them sometimes. I’m gonna lay it all out there:

What I Miss About Florida

*Palm trees & weather

*Davie ward (my church group)

*My friends

*Cultural diversity

*Zumba (freakin’ awesome in Florida!)

*My routine

*Living near everything

What I’ve Struggled With In Utah

*I’m the only brown person in my entire neighborhood, possibly in my entire community. We didn’t realize it when we moved here but we live in a “fancy” community and the only people of color you ever see out here are the landscapers! *Sad, sad face*

*We live in the country, 15 minutes from town, I both love it and don’t love it so much. Maybe I just need to get used to planning ahead but I miss living next to Publix. The past few days I’ve been feeling better about it, just an adjustment. (Booohooo, right!?!?) I guess that also includes my addiction, Target, oh and TJ Maxx…and Joann’s. Ok, I’m an addict! I like to shop!

*I still haven’t found a gym:( I SO miss my Zumba classes!!! Desperately need to find a gym that has awesome classes and isn’t an hour away!

*I started crying after like 2 days of living here and not having any friends. I just couldn’t understand why people weren’t knocking down my door asking to be my best friend? I mean, come on! Haha! I thought that maybe they thought I was the “help” seeing as I am the only Mexican out here. What a weirdo I am! Seriously though, they are all so fancy and perfect looking I just didn’t feel like I was going to fit in. Yeah, I was wrong! They are all so nice! Slowly but surely they are all coming around and bringing us cutely wrapped homemade bread and a warm smile:) I’ve made a couple of really great friends and I’m so excited to get to know the other’s better.

The first week I pretty much cried because I missed my Florida home. I still miss my Florida home like crazy and I will always miss my life there but Utah is slowly…slowly starting to grow on me. Being surrounded by the beautiful mountains is something I’m sure I’ll be missing when our time here is over. A new adventure has begun and I’ve gotta stop looking back so that I won’t miss out on all of the excitement that is to come.

You Know What They Say…

When it rains it pours! Now, I am exaggerating because in reality things haven’t been that bad but they haven’t gone quite how we imagined they would.  Since arriving in Utah we have just not been able to shake the icky germs that are keeping us down! Maya was sick when we got here then Aidan has been showing signs of stress with random things he’s been doing. Maya got an infection, I got strep then Arabella got strep. It hasn’t even been 2 WEEKS!!! What is going on here? I’m gonna knock on wood when I say this but I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I’m functioning at my full capacity thanks to antibiotics and all the kids are starting to feel better too.

One thing I have learned during this whole ordeal is that I am an absolute WHIMP when it comes to being displaced. I haven’t always been this way but since I’ve been a mom I have to have a stable home, order and routine. These are musts for me to function. I don’t know why but I feel totally and completely handicapped when these things are missing. I can not even begin to describe how excited I am to move in to our new house! 2 months is waaaaaay too long to be bouncing around.

As much as it kills me to not be able to document EVERYTHING that has happened in our lives during the past 3 months, I realize it is a blessing. I feel so blessed for all of the adventures and opportunities that have been placed in our path. 6 years ago I never would have imagined that we would be doing so many wonderful things, meeting so many incredible people and seeing all that we have seen. I also never, ever imagined how busy I would be with 3 little ones! When there are too many great things happening in your life that you just can’t keep up with them…..yeah, life is good :D

4 days in…

I can hardly believe we are JUST 4 days in. I was trying to figure out why it feels like it’s been so much longer and I know why. Because it HAS been! I’m sort of feeling like an emotional mess right now. We left our Florida home, drove 2 days to get here and since that moment Rich has been unavailable. He studied like mad for the NAPLEX (which he passed!!!!!!) for 2 weeks, took the test on Saturday and left the very next day. Now, he’s been gone for 4 days but really he’s been gone for almost 3 weeks. I miss him.

The kids? The reality is that the kids are not behaving the way they normally do. Aidan prays every night that he can go to school tomorrow. He asked me the other day if he was ever going to see his Florida friends again. They miss daddy. They missed daddy when daddy was still here! They are acting out and that is making it hard on me.

Me? I’m pretty much feeling all dysfunctional. I feel like I haven’t really talked to Rich in a long time. His roommate is pretty obnoxious and tries to tell him when he can and can’t talk to me. When he does call me our conversations are a little awkward because his roommate doesn’t give him any privacy and even has the nerve to chime in when Rich is telling me about COT. So much is always left unsaid. Routine is hard to accomplish when every few days we pack up and go to visit the other grandparent.

Ok, that was me putting it all out there and telling it how it is. How whiney and ungrateful I must sound. I’m not. I recognize and am super grateful for our blessings. We’ve been able to spend a lot of time with cousins and get to know them better. We have definitely been making up for lost time. All 3 of my kids have fallen in love with their cousin Kayla. She spent a few days with them and they actually cried when she went home. So cute! Aidan has decided that Ethan is his favorite. All 3 of my kids are OBSESSED with the newest Baker grandbaby. My niece, Daisy, is now 2 weeks old and my kids want her to be theirs. Aidan told Julie (Daisy’s mommy) that Daisy is his baby! If baby is near, they are hovering around to get a chance to hold her.

So, all in all we are enjoying our time here with family. I had to complain a bit because it has been part of the experience. Gotta keep it real:) Family has been great, we will be so excited when Rich comes back and we can be together again without any tests looming over us. Until that day, which is faaaaaar off in the distance, I will suck it up and make the best of our homelessness. After all, it’s not as bad as I make it sound when I’m having a bad day;)

Worry

If there is anything that is true about motherhood its that as a mother you worry. My worrying began when I found out I was pregnant with Aidan, over 4 years ago. Isn’t it funny that it starts as soon as you know they are there. I worried about his development in the womb. I worried about the food I was eating and even the air I was breathing! Then, he was born. I don’t think there are words to describe how much I worried about my baby boy. Obviously his initial fight for his life shook me to my core. After he came home I was so overwhelmed, stressed and WORRIED about him that I would literally wake up standing by my bed thinking I had him in my arms and when I would come to I would go into this crazy panic looking for him. He was, of course, in his basinet right next to me but that was just how sleep deprived, delirious and worried I was.

When Aidan was a baby I cried AT LEAST once a day. I struggled several times a day trying to teach him how to eat. Something that came so naturally and easy for most babies was something he had to go to therapy for. I worried that he would never be able to eat and that he would have to be fed through the g-tube for the rest of his life. He didn’t:)

Today, Aidan is almost 5 years old and guess what, I’m still worried. When I started writing this post I was in tears. A concern that I’ve had for a couple of years was just confirmed…actually I should say I just accepted it. Aidan has a receptive speech disorder. It’s not a devastating diagnosis but don’t we all want nothing but the best for our kids? I’m convinced and have read several articles and studies that find a correlation between children that have been put under anesthesia and learning disabilities. I counted a minimum of 12 times that Aidan was put under. I just want to cry. It was the price he had to pay to be here with us.

Aidan’s teacher encouraged me to have him evaluated earlier in the year. I had him evaluated and the therapist confirmed our suspicions. Suddenly everything made so much sense. All of those times I got so frustrated with him when he could not give an appropriate response to a simple question even after telling him how to respond over and over and over again. It clicked but I was still in denial. I thought that all he needed was school and that it would resolve itself. It has gotten A LOT better and he has progressed so much but today I realized that it is still there and will probably always be there. This is yet another battle that he, with Rich and I by his side, will have to fight.

I need to clarify. I was in tears because I was angry with myself. I was helping Aidan with his homework and I lost my patience. I’m so disappointed with myself that often I am not the mother that my sweet boy needs me to be for him. It makes him sad when I get frustrated with him. Today was different. I have completely accepted his disability and WILL be all that he deserves.

Is This A Joke?

This week…WOW. I mean, I know it could always be worse but my gosh, what a week! Last Friday, Arabella caught croup. Rich and I spent our date night in the ER with her getting shots and breathing treatments.

Ok, so no biggie. That’s life, right? Kids get sick! Well, after 1 urgent care visit, 1 ER visit and 3 doctors visits, I am sooooo done with it all. In the beginning I was cool about it all but about halfway through the week it just started to feel like someone was playing a sick joke on me. So, finally the kids are healthy, for the most part, and I am ready for a fresh start next week.

Naptime

It is naptime. I love naptime. It is the first time of the day that I have a moment to *insert deep breath* relax:) Today I’m not feeling so relaxed though. I’m feeling panic! Why? Because Arabella is in her bed screaming. Does this mean that I don’t get a break today? I soooo need my naptime break!

Oh, how I long for a 3 bedroom house! We’ve had to get a bit creative with naptime in our little 2 bedroom condo. Aidan gets his room, Maya get’s our walk-in closet, which I’ve partially turned into a nursery of sorts and Arabella gets her bed in my bedroom. Only problem is that when Arabella decides to boycott naptime, she screams and wakes up Maya. Must haves for our next place: 3 bedrooms, fenced in yard, craft room/office. Is that too much to ask? Well I’m asking for it anyway.

It just got quiet………nope, just kidding:(

So, I came across some pics that Rich took on Mother’s Day. I really wanted to get some good shots of me and my monkeys, but as usual it didn’t go quite as planned.

We went from trying really hard to get the kids to look happy…

to monkey tickling cuz it just wasn’t working out…

to just giving up.

Think I’m giving up this naptime fight with Arabella.

Ok Arabella, you win. No naptime break for me.