Those Moments

You know those moments when the stresses and struggles of parenthood suddenly become SO WORTH IT? Ah yes, I had one of those tonight, a couple of times actually. Tonight I took Aidan and Maya to their first tumbling class. They loved it and did a really great job. The moment came as we were loading into the van. After buckling the kids in I sat in my seat when the sweetest little voice came from behind me and said, “Mom you are pretty.” My heart completely melted. Aidan made my night.

Moment #2 happened tonight when I put Arabella to bed. I gave her a kiss on the forehead and she reached up, grabbed my face and gave me a smacker on the lips. My girl loves me. Also, while I’m talking about Arabella, she is the best! Every day, at some point during the day she will say to me, “Mom, I’m soooooo happy!” I love it! Last week when she fell off of our back deck she said as we were driving to the ER, “Mom, I’m not happy!” As the night went on and she started feeling better she snuggled with me and once again said, “Bella is happy again.” Tell me that is not the cutest? You can’t because it is!

Motherhood. So worth it.

Adjusting

Our Utah transition has been HARD. I’ve had to remind myself that it was my idea to rank Utah #1 on our list. Not that it’s not gorgeous here, because it is. It’s been all about attitude and missing Florida. I love these honest posts because they make me sound like such an ungrateful brat. I’m not, I promise! I see all of my blessings, it just takes me a while to step back and acknowledge them sometimes. I’m gonna lay it all out there:

What I Miss About Florida

*Palm trees & weather

*Davie ward (my church group)

*My friends

*Cultural diversity

*Zumba (freakin’ awesome in Florida!)

*My routine

*Living near everything

What I’ve Struggled With In Utah

*I’m the only brown person in my entire neighborhood, possibly in my entire community. We didn’t realize it when we moved here but we live in a “fancy” community and the only people of color you ever see out here are the landscapers! *Sad, sad face*

*We live in the country, 15 minutes from town, I both love it and don’t love it so much. Maybe I just need to get used to planning ahead but I miss living next to Publix. The past few days I’ve been feeling better about it, just an adjustment. (Booohooo, right!?!?) I guess that also includes my addiction, Target, oh and TJ Maxx…and Joann’s. Ok, I’m an addict! I like to shop!

*I still haven’t found a gym:( I SO miss my Zumba classes!!! Desperately need to find a gym that has awesome classes and isn’t an hour away!

*I started crying after like 2 days of living here and not having any friends. I just couldn’t understand why people weren’t knocking down my door asking to be my best friend? I mean, come on! Haha! I thought that maybe they thought I was the “help” seeing as I am the only Mexican out here. What a weirdo I am! Seriously though, they are all so fancy and perfect looking I just didn’t feel like I was going to fit in. Yeah, I was wrong! They are all so nice! Slowly but surely they are all coming around and bringing us cutely wrapped homemade bread and a warm smile:) I’ve made a couple of really great friends and I’m so excited to get to know the other’s better.

The first week I pretty much cried because I missed my Florida home. I still miss my Florida home like crazy and I will always miss my life there but Utah is slowly…slowly starting to grow on me. Being surrounded by the beautiful mountains is something I’m sure I’ll be missing when our time here is over. A new adventure has begun and I’ve gotta stop looking back so that I won’t miss out on all of the excitement that is to come.

They Never Stop Growing

I had a little scare a couple weeks ago. I thought that a few months of my 1st posts ever had been deleted. Thank goodness it was a false alarm because I was freaking out for realz!  I’ve never been much of a journaler (totally not even a word) but for some reason when I was introduced to blogging I took right to it and LOVED it! My love for blogging has grown right along with my kids. I’m always so grateful when I look back at posts of Aidan as a baby. So grateful that I’ve stuck with it and kept a record of the most precious moments in my life. I love my babies so much!

I’ll keep on truckin’, posting pics of my monkeys because the fact is that they just don’t stop growing!

Yesterday Aidan’s class had a muffins for mom’s little breakfast. It was the cutest thing ever! All of us momma’s went in to the classroom where we were served by our little munchkins:)

Maya found the teddy bear costume that Aidan wore when he was 1. She insisted on squeezing in to it and was in heaven once it was on.

Rich and I bought the double tricycle as a joint present for Aidan’s 3rd birthday and Maya’s 2nd. We talked about what a great investment it would be because some day Maya would be big enough to drive Arabella around.

It’s hard to believe that day has come.

They really do grow up too fast.

Coming To The Realization

The reality of our impending move is starting to set in. I’m sad then I’m happy then I’m completely torn! Gonna be totally honest, today I’m happy. Maybe I’m just the type of person that needs change? If so, military life is going to be perfect for me! Not too sure about that one, I’m still trying to figure it out. After living in the same house for a few years I start to feel anxious, annoyed and frustrated. Of course, that could be because we are a family of 5, stuffed into a 2 bedroom condo. Hmmm….

Today I’m happy because I’ve been dreaming about living in a house that we actually fit in, with a yard and storage space. Will a bigger house be harder to keep clean or will it be easier because I have more space to be organized? I dream about sending the kids out to play in our fenced in back yard and then going in to bake cookies or something *sigh* :)

Sunday I was sad. I was sad because I was thinking about all of my INCREDIBLE friends. I can honestly say that I have never been in such an amazing ward, ever! I love and feel loved by so many of the local members that it really makes it hard to leave them. I think that for the most part the students have grown attached to the students and since they are all leaving around the same time it would probably make it a little easier to leave. For me it is the opposite. While I have student friends my besties are locals. I’m leaving but they are staying and I’m going to miss them so much.

I’m nervous. What is it going to be like living in Utah? Serving there as a missionary on Temple Square was a AMAZING! I was there for 18 months and yet I feel like I don’t know a single thing about actually living in Utah. What are the people like? Once again, if I’m being completely honest, I’ve never really meshed with “Utah Mormon” girls. Is that a horrible thing to say??? Oh well, it’s true. Could it just have been the ones I’ve met? I guess I’ll find out! If there is anything I’ve learned in life it’s that there are good people everywhere.

Before we found out where we were going to be stationed, Rich and I talked about having a positive attitude about where ever we ended up. I knew that Heavenly Father had a hand in our future. I knew then and I know now that at this very moment he is preparing people to be a part of our lives. It’s so exciting to think about. I know that the people I’ve met here in Florida needed us just like we needed them. My sweet friend, Lucy, told me on Sunday that before we moved here she had been feeling so lonely. She told me that she would pray for a good friend, somebody to spend time with…….and then we moved in. Lucy has been, hands down, my best friend out here. She was there from the very beginning and made our burdens light. I love that girl and don’t know what I’m gonna do without her:(

I look forward to new experiences, especially after our Florida experience. Had we not been adventurous and gotten out of Missouri, we wouldn’t be who we are today. How will Utah help us grow? We shall see!

Worry

If there is anything that is true about motherhood its that as a mother you worry. My worrying began when I found out I was pregnant with Aidan, over 4 years ago. Isn’t it funny that it starts as soon as you know they are there. I worried about his development in the womb. I worried about the food I was eating and even the air I was breathing! Then, he was born. I don’t think there are words to describe how much I worried about my baby boy. Obviously his initial fight for his life shook me to my core. After he came home I was so overwhelmed, stressed and WORRIED about him that I would literally wake up standing by my bed thinking I had him in my arms and when I would come to I would go into this crazy panic looking for him. He was, of course, in his basinet right next to me but that was just how sleep deprived, delirious and worried I was.

When Aidan was a baby I cried AT LEAST once a day. I struggled several times a day trying to teach him how to eat. Something that came so naturally and easy for most babies was something he had to go to therapy for. I worried that he would never be able to eat and that he would have to be fed through the g-tube for the rest of his life. He didn’t:)

Today, Aidan is almost 5 years old and guess what, I’m still worried. When I started writing this post I was in tears. A concern that I’ve had for a couple of years was just confirmed…actually I should say I just accepted it. Aidan has a receptive speech disorder. It’s not a devastating diagnosis but don’t we all want nothing but the best for our kids? I’m convinced and have read several articles and studies that find a correlation between children that have been put under anesthesia and learning disabilities. I counted a minimum of 12 times that Aidan was put under. I just want to cry. It was the price he had to pay to be here with us.

Aidan’s teacher encouraged me to have him evaluated earlier in the year. I had him evaluated and the therapist confirmed our suspicions. Suddenly everything made so much sense. All of those times I got so frustrated with him when he could not give an appropriate response to a simple question even after telling him how to respond over and over and over again. It clicked but I was still in denial. I thought that all he needed was school and that it would resolve itself. It has gotten A LOT better and he has progressed so much but today I realized that it is still there and will probably always be there. This is yet another battle that he, with Rich and I by his side, will have to fight.

I need to clarify. I was in tears because I was angry with myself. I was helping Aidan with his homework and I lost my patience. I’m so disappointed with myself that often I am not the mother that my sweet boy needs me to be for him. It makes him sad when I get frustrated with him. Today was different. I have completely accepted his disability and WILL be all that he deserves.