Oh Life…

Ya know, life is so fun, challenging, exciting and frustrating at times. Life is so many things all rolled into one. Lately, I’ve been facing a bit of a challenge in my life. For the past few months I’ve been struggling to find energy and motivation to do the things that I need to do as a wife and mother. I can feel that there is something off with me, I just don’t know what. I finally had a chance to go to the doctor for a physical and blood work and after talking to the doctor and explaining my symptoms he gave me a diagnosis………….depression.

Now, we are still going to wait on the results of the blood tests to rule out anything else but he really felt that it is depression. I believe it. Its not like I have a horrible life and I’m so unhappy with my situation because it’s not even close to being that. I have the most awesome kids and husband I can’t even imagine it being any better. I honestly think that my hormones are just a little jacked up from the stress of having my kids so close and the enormous stress that it was dealing with their conditions. I really tried to put on a brave face and even made it a goal to make it all look easy but it hasn’t been. No, this is NOT a pitty party. It’s just me trying to figure out why I’m having these symptoms and what I’m going to do about it. The doctor gave me a prescription but I just can’t bring myself to medicate myself for it. I just feel like maybe there is something I can do to fix it naturally.

I just want to not be tired ALL OF THE TIME! Guess I’ll find out if it’s something else in a couple of weeks. What a depressing post…I’ll probably delete it later:)

While Daddy Was Gone~

What did we do while Daddy was gone? We definitely didn’t do what I had planned! I was in the most positive mindset when he left. I had all of these grand plans of hanging out with friends and taking the kids to the splash pad and even finishing my alphabet project that I’ve been working on for the kids. I didn’t hang out with a single friend, except for today I walked to Publix with America. I didn’t take the kids ANYWHERE! And I didn’t even touch my alphabet project:( I wasn’t excited that Rich was leaving but I was going to make the very best of it. Didn’t quite work out as planned but you know, we did all right. I am feeling a million times better.

Rich gets home tomorrow night!!!!! I can’t wait! I’m already dreaming of all of the fun we are going to have, like leaving the house…yeah, that’s pretty much what I’m most looking forward to. Just kidding! We are gonna do something fun before he starts his rotation. Maybe Sanibel Island? I hope. Please!

Anyway, after my grouchy negative, depressing previous post I just needed to say that all is well in the Baker home. Those days happen and thank goodness they pass. Today was a great day. After feeding the kids breakfast I slept on the couch while the kids fended for themselves and finally started to feel better around 10:30. I hopped up and the rest of the day was awesome.

I had the most fun dance party with the kids while dinner was in the oven. Aidan was seriously workin’ it! Even little Miss. Arabella was shakin’ her little booty! Aidan’s new favorite song is “Shake your sillies out” by Andy Mason. Crazy kid got down I tell ya!  They made me smile and reminded me of a video from about a year ago. Definitely worthy of a repost:D

I can’t believe how fast my baby boy is growing up:(

So anyway, wish I could have video’d today’s dance party but sometimes it’s just nice to be in the moment.

A few random pics from the week:

Popsicles

Sharing

Naughty girl pulling on blinds

Top left pic: “Mommy, please brush my hair!”

Stacking:D

These are the alphabet letters I’ve been working on. I started by just doing Aidan’s name as a fun way for him to learn to spell his name. Aidan & Maya loved them and fought over these 5 little letters so much that I endeavored to make the entire alphabet. I’m almost done!

1 more day ‘til Rich gets home!!!!!!

Some observations…

OBSERVATION #1: Today sucked! Luck would have it that after about a month of runny noses, coughs and fevers lingering around my house, I would finally get sick when I am ALL ALONE!

OBSERVATION #2: I was THE worst mother today. I was sick, grouchy, tired and on a scale from 0-10 I was at exactly a –3.8 for patience. If Aidan asks me, “Why not?” one more time, my head just might explode. If Maya starts crying just because somebody looks at her wrong, one more time, I just might run away. If Arabella throws her food on the floor and refuses to eat and then hits me in the face ON PURPOSE when I am putting her to bed…I WILL CRY!

OBSERVATION #3: I feel like Super Woman for going to the grocery store despite feeling (and looking) like death, with all 3 kids, all by myself. *Pat myself on the back*

OBSERVATION #4: Rich is sooooo right! The house always looks the way I feel on any given day. Today I feel terrible so you can imagine what my house looks like.

OBSERVATION #5: I had a bad day. I wish I could have been better and stronger and more patient and loving. Tomorrow is a new day. I will be better tomorrow. I might not feel better but I WILL handle it better…for my babies.

My Replacement

I’ve been demoted from #1 in Rich’s life to #2. I’m stepping down without a fight. Sometimes you just have to know when to fold, well, I’m folding. Who is my replacement, you ask? It’s not who, it’s what.

Meet Rich’s new #1

It’s a Volkswagon GTI! He is in love. I’m gonna be honest, I am too! It is so much fun to drive and makes me feel young and carefree again. When I met Rich I had a VW Beetle. It had been my dream car for years and I LOVED driving it. Since I sold it nothing we’ve owned even compares to my bug, until now!

 

Rich said he never knew what his dream car is until now. He owns it!

Is that enough pics, Rich? I think that’s enough:)

“You’re my whole world”

Have I mentioned that I’m in love? I think I have once or twice;) Well just a few hours ago I dropped the love of my life off at the airport. I’m such a baby! I can’t live without Rich for even a week! All day today I’ve been on the verge of tears because I knew he was going to be leaving. I understand that it is very important for him to be with his family to celebrate Grandma Daisy’s life and that makes it do-able.

On our way to the airport I cried just a little and then I sucked it up. When we got to the airport I held back the tears. Rich kissed each one of the kids goodbye and then hugged me and looked at me and said, “No tears!”. So, I didn’t cry. Then after a long, passionate kiss…I’m just kidding! We kept it appropriate for the public:D Anyway, after we said our goodbye’s I asked him if he would call me after he landed, during his layover. His response was, “Of course I will! Who else am I going to call? You are my whole world!” I lost it. Then I looked at him and his eyes were watery. I LOVE THIS MAN!!

Rich, honey, you are my whole world. I love you and I’m going to miss you but I will see you in a few days. Have an awesome celebration of life with your family and give them ALL of my love!

Peaceful passing…

Wife, mother, grandmother, great grandmother Daisy passed away this morning. She was surrounded by loved ones and went peacefully in her sleep. We love her and will miss her during our time here on earth but are so grateful for the assurance that we will be reunited some day. Peace fills my heart when I think of the beautiful plan of happiness that my loving Heavenly Father has created for us. As we go through this life we will lose loved ones, friends and family members, and that loss and pain will be difficult to cope with but our burden can be made light if we rely on Christ and his atonement.

I know this is a difficult time for her children and I pray that they will be surrounded by the comforting arms of the spirit. We will miss you Grandma Daisy.

Grandma Daisy

I have been putting off making this post because it gets me choked up thinking about it. A few days ago an MRI exposed a large tumor in Rich’s Grandma Daisy’s brain. The doctor gave her 2 weeks. I get choked up because I know how loved she is and what a big heart she has and how much she is going to be missed. She is going to be so missed by all of her kids, great-grandkids, grandkids(& spouses).

I am grateful that the last 2 times that we visited with her were the 2 times that I felt a stronger bond with her. I can’t pretend that I know her the best because I came into the Baker family 5 years ago and have lived in Florida for most of those 5 years but I can say that she has always been kind and welcomed me and my crazy kids into her home. She even let my kids eat her cookies:)

I know that Rich loves her very much. Every time we go to Missouri he makes it a point to set aside time to drive out to her house on Daisy lane;) to visit with her. Those 2 can chat it up, I’ll tell you what! They talk about politics, aliens, books and just all kinds of stuff while I chase the kids around and make sure they don’t destroy her house.

Grandma Daisy, I only wish I could have known you longer. I admire your strength and sense of humor. You are special and irreplaceable. What a legacy you will be leaving behind. We love you so very much!

My piece of paradise

We’ve lived in South Florida for 3 years! My gosh, time has just flown by! This adventure has been AMAZING! It’s been hard being away from family but we’ve grown so strong in our own little family and overcome some of life’s biggest challenges depending solely on each other. Ok, not solely because we have had some incredible friends step in and be our “family” during our struggles. Some of the friends we’ve made have definitely become like family and we will always be close.

I just wanted to share something that I’ve enjoyed every single day and it just never gets old…my view:)

From left to right: out of my back window

Our entire back wall is a huge window and I just LOVE waking up every morning pulling the blinds open. Something about the palm trees and the pond and the beautiful golf course. I know I am really going to miss this place when it’s time to go. At least I’ll have my blog and these pictures to look back on to cry over, right;)

Love Story

Happy Anniversary to us!!!! Rich and I celebrated our 5th anniversary yesterday on Friday the 13th and it was not unlucky at all! In fact it was the complete opposite. I got the best surprise EVER! I’m talkin’ EVER!!!!! Rich casually brought my gift in an envelope and assured me that it wasn’t anything big and to not get too excited. Such a liar! I opened up the envelope and peeked in………Juanes? Juanes!?!? JUANES!!!!!!!! What? Are you serious? 2 tickets to go see Juanes in concert in October!!! I am beyond excited! The funny thing about all of this is that on Tuesday I was cleaning (tuesday’s are my cleaning days) and blasting Juanes on Pandora. I was thinking about how much I would LOVE to see him in concert because he is amazing and I love every single one of his songs. 3 days later…I’M GOING TO HIS CONCERT! Best anniversary present ever! Best husband in the entire world! I love you Rich!

Sooooo, we’ve been married for 5 years and I feel like it’s been the craziest and best roller coaster ride of my life! I’m such a cheese-ball that I spent half the day thinking about how we met and our courtship. Now that I’ve had a chance to look back at my blog I realize that it is one of the most important stories that I have yet to blog about! Geez, do I want my kiddos to know how I met their daddy while I still remember or not?!?! YES! So here it goes:

Let me just start out by saying that initially I was soooo not into “looking” for a husband. I had just gotten home from my 18 month mission in the most amazing place in the world! Shout out to all my Temple Square peeps! I had been home for about 4 months and got right back to work at The Dutton's Theater as the lighting director, pushing buttons to light up the stage. I was getting settled back in to regular life and hanging out with some girls from BYU-Idaho who were interning there for the summer. Lisa was one of those girls and we bonded instantly. We had so much fun being crazy.

So, one day Lisa asked me if I would go with her to the singles branch in Springfield. I totally saw the singles branch as a meat market and didn’t want to have anything to do with it. I had told myself that I was NOT going to go there to find a husband after I got home from my mission. But she convinced me to just try it out so I did. I had fun! I loved being around people my age and loved the idea of going to activities and just hanging out with a bunch of friends so we went again the next Sunday! That was the Sunday that changed my life:D There were 2 guys sitting behind us. I didn’t know who they were or what they looked like because I hadn’t bothered to look back at them but Lisa dared me to turn around and talk to them after sacrament meeting. Sacrament meeting ended and I am not a shy person and especially not at that time and place when it came to guys. I turned right around and said “Hi! My name is Jessica. What’s your name?”  By that time there was only 1 guy sitting there. No, it wasn’t Rich, it was Ryan my brother-in-law. He was nice and my sister-in-law will be happy to know that he was very quick to mention his fiance:D So we chatted for a bit and that was that.

The 3 hours of church were pretty uneventful. We met a bunch of people but nothing super exciting, until it was time to leave. Lisa and I and a couple of our friends walked out and as we were walking to our car guess who was behind us……Ryan and the other guy. Not gonna lie, at first glance I though the other guy was pretty cute so I used my previous acquaintance with Ryan to find out about this other guy. I turned around and said “Ryan, right? And what’s your name?” Ryan introduced him as “Richard” and Rich immediately corrected him and said, “Rich!” YAY!!! I met him!!! So we talked for all of 10-15 second while walking to our cars and then that was it. Me and my posse got in our car and the 1st thing I said was, “Helllllloooo Rich!” and we all busted out laughing! Then my friend Lisa said, “You are totally gonna marry him!” And we all laughed and laughed and laughed!

I went home and the strangest thing happened. I couldn’t stop thinking about Rich! I mean, I had just seen and talked to him for a few seconds and knew NOTHING about him yet I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I even told my sister-in-law that I thought it was so strange that this guy was just sticking in my head. I couldn’t wait to go back to church on Sunday! Finally Sunday came and HE*WASN’T*THERE!!!!!!!!! I was so bummed. I was so curious to see what I felt when I saw him again. Then the next Sunday there he was! Do you believe in love at first sight? I do. I lived it. I experienced it. It was such a different feeling than anything I had ever felt before with boyfriends or crushes. This is going to sound like the CHEESIEST thing you’ve ever heard but it was a “SPIRITUAL CONFIRMATION”

Yep, it’s true. From the moment that I had that feeling I knew that I had to date this guy and I absolutely pursued him. I am so glad I did because as I would later learn, he was closed off and hardened because of a very recent experience. Obviously, eventually those barriers came down and he stopped letting fear get in our way. He gave up a lot of plans and dreams for me~to make my dreams come true. He really, truly is my dream come true. He is the reason that the title of my blog has been “Livin’ the dream” because since I met him, I am.

Toy Story

Aidan: “Mommy, I want something else to play with.”

 

Me: “Really Aidan? Really?”

To my momma

It’s mother’s day and I need to honor my momma from a distance.

“All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.”

-Abraham Lincoln

 

Let me tell you a little bit about my mom. You will never meet a more determined woman. When I think of where she came from and where she is now, it is hard to comprehend. My mom was born in Mexico. She didn’t have the luxury of going to school and getting an education. Her family circumstances required her to get to work at a very young age. She went to work with my aunts, uncles and grandpa, picking cotton…all day…every day.

She came to the U.S. when she was 18 years old and later met my dad. I admire her strength and courage in making the decision to leave the abusive relationship she had with my dad after 7 years. Alone, with 3 kids to raise, my mom worked, took english classes and always made ends meet. We had a comfortable home and we never, ever went hungry, and we always had what was necessary.

My mom learned to speak English and has always been able to work her way up by being hard working and reliable, whatever the job was. I admire so much about my mom’s journey that it would really take me all day to write story after story of all the the awesome things she has accomplished.

A moment that blows me away now that I look back is my experience with buying my 1st car. A friend was selling me his Toyota Camry for $6000. I was only able to save up $2000 at that point. My mom was working at a deli, not making bank and supporting 3 kids and yet she was able to loan me $4000. Now that I look back at that I just don’t understand how she did it. How was she able to save $4000 and pay all of our bills-ALONE!?!?

(pic on the left: the black girl was adopted-haha! kidding Sen!)

I am also so grateful for the lesson of self-reliance and hard work that she taught me. She didn’t GIVE me $4000, she LOANED me $4000. I paid her back slowly but surely. It taught me to work hard for all that I have. I am always proud to say that I don’t have any debt (until I met Rich, haha!). I worked to pay my way through college and graduated debt free. I plan on teaching my kids the valuable lesson my mother has taught me.

Mom, you are my hero. You are an ultimate example of strength, perseverance, faith and love. Thank you for all that you have sacrificed for us and for all of the decisions that you made in your life that have given us the more opportunities than you had. I love you so much!

Love,

Jess

On my mind/Dear Maya

I tend to be a person with a lot on my mind, ALWAYS. I think a lot and not about trivial things but usually deep, serious things. I think it kind of drives Rich crazy sometimes. I’m always wanting to have deep conversations with him. People who don’t know me very well probably find this hard to believe because I’m a bit of a jokester. Those that I spend more time with know that I love to talk “serious”. I don’t know why I’m writing all of this…I guess it’s because a lot of times I want to blog about the “serious” things that are on my mind and I don’t end up doing it because I don’t want people to think I’m crazy (even though I am). I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna blog about stuff I think about because it’s the real me. The very few of you who actually take the time to read my blog are gonna get a little glimps into the mess that is my mind…..brace yourself!

This isn’t deep stuff but today I’ve been thinking about how quickly life changes. The past few years have been H-A-R-D!!! I’m talkin’ babies with special needs barely a year apart each hard. Do you feel me? Probably not, but we all have our own challenges. Anyway, I was just thinking about how everything seems to be getting easier because my babies are growing up! Yay! Boooo:( Hooray! Waaaa:( Mixed feelings.

Why mixed feelings? Because for some reason I feel like I missed Maya’s “babyhood”. I mean, where did it go? All of a sudden my beautiful baby Maya is almost three! THREE!?!? I don’t really like that. Here comes the guilt~So, when Maya was born I was focused on Aidan because of his many surgeries and doctor’s visits and then 6 months later I was pregnant. When Arabella was born she needed most of my attention because of her condition. Maya has always been “the healthy one”.  I feel guilty even though I know that Maya has gotten more than enough attention and love. I guess when you blink and see that your kids have grown so quickly, you just wish you could relive the past few years of their little lives.

Maya,

I’ve told you this before and it’s still so true- You have always been exactly who I needed you to be. So calm, patient and full of smiles and love. A best friend to Aidan and a momma’s girl for me.

You are NOT a follower, you are a leader! Even though you are very young I can see how confident and independent you are.  This will definitely be one of your strengths. Please be nice to me when you are a teenager:)

You are so crazy! Always jumping, flipping, running, somersaulting. Arabella’s therapist has practically BEGGED me to put you in gymnastics. You love to hang on the monkey bars and jump off the merry-go-round. You are our little gymnast.

It is unreal to me how quickly you are growing. Slow down a bit will ya? Let me catch my breath so I can keep up with you. I love you, my little monkey! Keep up the good work;)

Love,

Mommy